The Bible on Buzzfeed

Which click-bait Facebook quiz are you?  If you’re like me, you’re long since burnt out on teaser headlines that don’t deliver on what they promise. I’ve learned to scroll right past most quizzes and anything promising I’ll be stunned, amazed, shocked, or moved to tears, knowing the only thing truly astonishing is how many ads and salacious celebrity gossip stories I’ll be subjected to on the way to a pay-off utterly unequal to the tantalizing come-on.

Since such headlines only proliferate though, I’m guessing I’m an outlier. So, with an eye to the New Evangelization, and in the spirit of Tom Lehrer, who once proposed his “Vatican Rag” as a catchy theme song to sell Vatican II, maybe we should get folks to read sacred scripture by giving it sensational headlines.

Such as:

• They Ate One Piece of Fruit. You Won’t BELIEVE What Happened Next!

• 17 Animals That Should Have Been Left Off The Ark.

• He Set Out to Kill His Only Son. What Happened Next Will Astound You!

• Which Egyptian Plague Are You?

• Moses: “Ten Life Hacks You Simply MUST Follow!”

• The ONLY Food You Need For Desert Travel.

• Try This One Weird Trick To Cure Viper Bites!

• Elijah Totally KILLS it in this EPIC Ox-Bucket Challenge.

• TUMBLED! Wandering Israelites MAJORLY TROLLED the “invincible” City of Jericho.

• Everyone Was Jealous of His Colorful Coat. You’ll Be ASTONISHED What They Did About It.

• 150 of the Most Beautiful Poems Ever Written (You HAVE to Read  #1, #8 & #23!)

• The ONE GUEST you absolutely MUST invite to every wedding – and reception! (You won’t believe what he did!)

• God Sent His Only Begotten Son. You Will DEFINITELY Cry When You Find Out The End.

Got more? Have a twitter account? Share your contributions using the hashtag #BibleonBuzzfeed and send them to @CatholicVote.