1500 YEAR OLD BIBLE CONFIRMS JESUS NOT CRUCIFIED–VATICAN IN AWE

Welp. Looks like it’s time for me to pack it in on the whole “Catholic” thing. Why would somebody go to the trouble of writing a headline in all caps on the internet if it weren’t true?

Plus, just look at the leathery old gnarly-lookin’ book!

Only a fool would argue with a picture like that. It’s as obviously authentic as that cool ancient tome in Raiders of the Lost Ark.