ASK FATHER: If I confess to watching porn, must I say it was homosexual porn?
From a reader…
QUAERITUR:
Father, recently the catechist at our parish said that, when making our confessions, we ought to mention anything that might aggravate or mitigate the gravity of our sins, so that the confessor can get a clearer idea of our culpability. I know that this is good practice, but is it necessary for making a valid confession? For example, if I wanted to confess to watching homosexual-themed pornography, could I just say “I watched pornography on one occasion”, or would I have to specifically say that the pornography was homosexual in nature?
First, the catechist at the parish is right to say that we should confess any circumstances which might aggravate or mitigate the gravity of sins.
For example, a man steals a loaf of bread. On the one hand, he might be a well-off fellow who is perfectly able to buy it. On the other hand, he is a poor man whose children are starving in the alley around the corner. In both cases, a man stole bread. Stealing is always wrong. Circumstances change the gravity of the guilt of the sin committed.
Other circumstances include not having full use of will at the moment, because of fear or illness, etc.
Another example of why details can make a difference. Say someone confesses needlessly belting a guy in the chops. It wasn’t self-defense, he just did although insufficiently provoked. That’s sinful. However, the guy he belted was not just any guy, he was a priest. The assaulter knew that his victim was a priest when he belted him. That means that two sins were committed: the sin of the assault and the sin of sacrilege, because the person belted is a sacred person. One act, but two sins must be confessed.
We must confess sins in kind and number and with necessary details. These make a difference to the confessor. These pieces of information tell the priest what sort of problems exist and what kind of counsel to give. However, knowing and confessing in kind, number and significant details tells YOU, the penitent, what your principle problems are. You can’t move forward if you don’t really know who you are.
Examination of conscience and confession of sins tells you who you are.
In the case you bring up, watching porn is sinful. But, there is an essential element which must be confessed: it isn’t just porn, it is homosexual porn. Homosexuality, by definition, involves unnatural, disordered appetites and inclinations. Watching even homosexual porn of the opposite sex is an aggravating detail. Watching homosexual porn of your same sex is worse yet.
Also, one occasion of doing this is bad. If might just be a one-off, as it were. An aberration (in more than one sense). However, occasion after occasion across many confessions is a problem that must be addressed.
The devil is, literally, in these details.
Do not fear providing these details.
The priest has, by now, heard it all. He is not going to freak out. He is not going to tell anyone what you did. He is probably going to be impressed by your courage.
And speaking of courage, the priest, learning that you are involved with homosexual porn, especially watching homosexual porn of your own sex, might be able to refer you to the excellent and helpful organization Courage.
Knowing ourselves and our principle faults, our vicious habits, etc., is the first step to making changes and striving for holiness. Another indispensable element in amending our lives is the knowledge that we are going to suffer and the willingness to suffer when it comes. When we say “NO!” to vicious appetites and temptations to sin in ways that are by now deeply ingrained, habitual, we will begin to suffer. THAT’s the moment you must anticipate before hand. Plan for it. Recognize it for what it is. Make a plan about how you are going to handle it. Have a strategy to deal with it. Commit yourself to a plan of action, for example. Plan that when you say “NO!” to a temptation and you start to suffer you will go out to the garage and start scrubbing oil stains out of the concrete. You will clean the gutters. You will strip paint from the fence and repaint. You will…. etc.
Be ready and willing to suffer and have a plan.
And, especially in the case of something like porn, really be tough on yourself. It is horribly, diabolically addictive.
Maintain custody of the eyes. Don’t look at what you must not look at. The devil can really get to you through your eyes. If this means getting rid of the computer, etc., that is what you must do. I remember one young man telling me – outside of the confessional and in no way in the internal forum – that having a computer in his apartment was like having hot and cold running cocaine coming right at him. He got rid of his computer in his dwelling and broke the vice.
And for any Jesuit homosexualist advocate who might be reading this:
Woe to the world because of scandals. For it must needs be that scandals come: but nevertheless woe to that man by whom the scandal cometh. And if thy hand, or thy foot scandalize thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee. It is better for thee to go into life maimed or lame, than having two hands or two feet, to be cast into everlasting fire. And if thy eye scandalize thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee. It is better for thee having one eye to enter into life, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.
