Automatic Annoyance

Whacking my way through the thickets of my end-of-summer To Do list, I came to the task of getting a new Marriott Rewards membership card. This is the magic card that lets me convert my credit-card points into stays at Marriott hotels. My current Rewards card had expired months ago, and either I had not been issued a new one, or I had accidentally diverted it into the torrent of charitable requests and political propaganda that constitutes 93% of our delivered mail and is diverted straight into Recycling.  

I called Marriott’s 800 number and was routed through the phone-tree menu by a computer generated voice – male – that inquired, in sunny non-regional Americanese, how he might assist me. “I can understand full sentences,” the voice assured me. “How can I help you?”

I paused. How many years has it been since we routinely began talking with machines? Fifteen? More? I still can’t shake the weirdness of having to attempt conversation with a non-human. It gives me the willies. It also raises my hackles.

“I need a new card,” I said, bluntly.

“OK!” the voice said, brightly. “Let me look into that!”

What followed was not the expected Muzak, but the sound of a keyboard clacking away, as if an industrious service representative were eagerly pursuing my request. “Bear with me a moment,” the voice said. “I’m working on it.”

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